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Author of a number of popular books on sex, gender, and relationships More Welcome to my website! If you want to find out more, check out my books and zines which cover this topic in more depth:.

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It is a subset of BDSM. In other cases, it can be intensely physical, sometimes crossing into sadomasochism. Those who take the superior position are called "dominants"—Doms male or Dommes female —while those who take the subordinate position are called "submissive"—or subs male or female.

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A submissive sub is a sexual participant who willingly gives up some or all control to a dominant partner. A submissive might also be called a "bottom" while the dominant partner might be called a "top. Some men and women only play at being submissive during certain times, such as during sex or when in a BDSM club.

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In BDSM communities, these kinds of contracts help dominants and submissives play with each other safely, both emotionally and physically. It also makes issues of consent — which is crucial when power exchange and pain are involved — crystal clear. Click here to buy. Submitting to a dominant has been a simultaneously comforting and erotic experience for me, as it is for many people.

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When I first met Doug on Match. He had a big position with a top financial firm; I headed up public relations for a health-care nonprofit. On our first date, although we only kissed, he told me I wouldn't be the same when he was done with me.

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If you're new here, you may want to get my discreet newsletter to learn how to make him sexually obsessed with you and only you. Click here to get it. It's free.

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Takeaway: The fantasy of being ordered around, spanked, and generally coerced to perform sexual acts can seem thrilling. The question for those who haven't actually done it, however, is where to start. A submissive is an individual who willingly relinquishes control to another person, usually to satisfy a sexual urge.

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In case you've been living on another planet, you've heard of Fifty Shades of Grey, thought about bondage and kinky sex at least once, and maybe even tried it. If you're thinking "There's got to be something worth learning and perhaps trying here, but I don't know where to start," then I say welcome to your kinky-sex crash course. Believe it or not, pain like a spank or a bite and pleasure are closely related. They both release the same feel-good chemicals to our brain adrenaline and endorphins when done in a safe, consensual, and loving way.

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Aftercare is different for everyone, and can also involve alone time, or any number of personal preferences. Aftercare is widely considered to be an essential part of kinky play. Can include rope bondage, suspension bondage, leather bondage, furniture and device bondage, predicament bondage.

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